Someone asked me a question in the last few days and I wanted to address it. Why? Don't really know. I could put this one my blog I suppose, but.....since it's more of a rhetorical rant, it can go here.
anyone who wants to complain can go scold Hayley since she started this thing.
So, someone asked me why Catholic. The context was dating because we were discussing my plans for my life - if I wanted college or marriage or curl up in a ball and die. Oh, wait, wrong one.... - and I pointed out that I will not marry someone who is not a Catholic, and the question was why being Catholic matters. They meant it for a man, and they meant it for myself - why will I marry a Catholic, why do I insist on going through RCIA....
The only answer I could give them was that it was real, that it was true. the doctrine, the dogmas, the Tradition, the theology.... It is real.
...but how do I tell them that? Tell anyone that? How do I try to explain that it is beautiful and full and aweing and understandable and logical...? How do I explain that it is something to stand on, to depend on? How can I say how strong it is, how real? How do I begin to put into words something that I barely understand?
I'm not Bella. I'm not Hayley. I don't have the advantage of being raised in all of this, of having the answers ready. I still have problems with doubt, with question the wisdom of abandoning that which I was raised in my whole life up to this point. I struggle with understanding the truth, with trusting the truth. After having everything turned upside down on me, after questioning everything; I have trouble knowing what is actually real.
They ask me questions and I can't answer. They have good faith - who am I to say that their religion isn't real? I mean, after all, they have the Bible....
yes, that might be slightly sarcastic but....
But no. Really. How can I begin to answer that? "Why Catholic?" Because. Because it's Catholic. Becuase God is there. Because it makes sense. Because it fills in the holes. Because it fits. Because it....
Because.
And here I've grown up for years telling my siblings that 'because' is never an acceptable reason. But what other one can I give? I have no words for this, I barely know enough to speak on it. I only know it's true, I am only convinced of its reality. That is what I cling to.
And I have so much troubles because I cannot trust myself. I trust God, that is what it comes down to. God would not let me be so misled when I was truly openly seeking him; and if he would, then what difference would it make? If he would, is any of it real?
why Catholic?
I wonder if I will ever be able to give a better answer.
It is real and true. That is all I know, and that is what I trust.
